Eighth one down, a life-time more to go...

I broke down last night.
First time in a while...

I thought I could be strong this year; no tears.
I was alone for the night and looked at your picture on my desk...
I thought I could be strong and think about how much I love you on a day meant to celebrate everything you were to me.
Instead, I fell in to the hole...

I lost myself in the sadness.
And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I am not yet strong enough to remember you with only happiness.
I'm working on it.
I promise.

You are so happy in this picture...
I wish we had taken more together. You loved taking pictures with us.
Teenaged vanity is a bitch. 
But we don't need pictures. It isn't about the pictures.
It's about you. We need you.

You were the best dad, a thoughtful mentor, a loving husband, a family man, a brilliant musician, a hard worker.
You were my best friend.

You gave up your dreams so we would never go a moment without sharing your love.
You worked through excruciating pain  and fatigue to give us everything we thought we could want, when all we really needed was you.
You were a hero to us.

You were the ultimate bad-ass with the biggest heart.


I could never stop missing you.
But I promise to do my best to be happy, for you.


Eighth Father's Day gone by without you...
A life-time more to go.


I love you, dad.