"The Girl Covered In All The Ugly Stuff"

"She's the one covered in all of the... ugly stuff."

Yes.
That's me.

That is how my GRANDMOTHER was describing me last night to all of her friends and family at her and my grandfather's anniversary party.

Not, "the one with the purple and blonde hair", or "the one in the black and white dress", or "the one with the bright red lipstick".
No. Even after spending over an hour on my makeup and picking out and ironing a dress to look my best for family pictures, my brother and I are just labelled "the ugly grandchildren".
Just because we have tattoos

Feel the fucking love.

Eighth one down, a life-time more to go...

I broke down last night.
First time in a while...

I thought I could be strong this year; no tears.
I was alone for the night and looked at your picture on my desk...
I thought I could be strong and think about how much I love you on a day meant to celebrate everything you were to me.
Instead, I fell in to the hole...

I lost myself in the sadness.
And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I am not yet strong enough to remember you with only happiness.
I'm working on it.
I promise.

You are so happy in this picture...
I wish we had taken more together. You loved taking pictures with us.
Teenaged vanity is a bitch. 
But we don't need pictures. It isn't about the pictures.
It's about you. We need you.

You were the best dad, a thoughtful mentor, a loving husband, a family man, a brilliant musician, a hard worker.
You were my best friend.

You gave up your dreams so we would never go a moment without sharing your love.
You worked through excruciating pain  and fatigue to give us everything we thought we could want, when all we really needed was you.
You were a hero to us.

You were the ultimate bad-ass with the biggest heart.


I could never stop missing you.
But I promise to do my best to be happy, for you.


Eighth Father's Day gone by without you...
A life-time more to go.


I love you, dad.

Healing, back to work, and diet talk?

This past week was my first back after two and a half weeks off.

I will not lie. It was hard to go back.
Being lazy can be just amazing!
And also really bad. Last surgery, I actually lost weight and was at a size that I was happy with (for a while, it all came back, and then some) this time I think that I gained some because I sat around doing nothing but eating crap for so long.

Squat challenge is on hold until I talk to my surgeon because I was told not to do any exercise. 
While I think that a squat challenge will really help me strengthen my thighs in a way I really need, it won't help me get rid of the fat on my body that I am so unhappy with.
I really need to eat healthier, mostly by getting rid of all the damn pop that I drink. Too damn much.

I won't go on a diet, those never work... but I am going to start cutting out the crap.


Healing....
I am basically all healed. The bruises are long gone, but I am having some issues.
the less problematic issue, the fast that my internal stitches were sticking out of the incision on my left side. So, I had to pull it out and cut it. Not exactly fun, but I will live.
The crappy thing, my right arm is having some weird muscle issues. From my arm pit all the way down to my wrist, some muscles just scream with pain and tension when I try to extend my arm. I will be talking to my surgeon about it when I see him at the end of the month. Until then, I massage and stretch it every day.

It has been a very uneventful few weeks, obviously.

So boring